Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome to Grace Among Us, the podcast where we unearth the many faces and places of grace and share stories of the power of grace in our human lives. Our desire is that this will inspire you to see grace in your own life and share it with others.

Carri Richard: 0:22

Hello, hello Ebony and hello everybody. My name is Carri Richard. I am a mindset coach who helps people make space and enjoy the ride, and I am here with my dear friend Ebony C Gilbert. Hello Ebony.

Ebony Gilbert: 0:40

Hello Carri, how are you today? (Carri - I'm fabulous).

Carri Richard: 0:44

How are you doing? (Ebony - I'm pretty good, good, good). All right, you want to get right to it?

Ebony Gilbert: 0:53

Let's do it.

Carri Richard: 0:54

Okay, Airplane Grace, tell me about it. (Ebony - Airplane grace).

Ebony Gilbert: 1:01

I'm sure many of us have experienced this, but I've been traveling a lot in the last few months. At least two or three times a month I'm on an airplane and it doesn't matter if it's a 5 am flight, a red eye, middle of the day. I seem to be seated regardless of the ticket purchase. It could be coach, it could be main plus, it doesn't matter. I seem to always get seated consistently next to a family with small children who are not very excited about the flight and they express their discontent with said flight vocally, loudly, for two to three hours and then they become physically active and assault the seat in front of them, usually the seat I'm sitting in. And a couple of disclaimers before I go on. I love children, all children. I think they're little angels. I have a deep respect for parents who travel with their children when they're very small and unpredictable. I want to get that out of the way. Love kids, love parents. This is not a promotion for (Carri - adult only flights?).

Ebony Gilbert: 2:27

Yeah, that's not this. I would buy that flight, but that's not what this is. (Carri - However.) However, there is something that happens inside of me, and it comes in stages. It usually starts with before I even get on the plane, and I'm just in the seating area and I'm thinking, sweet Jesus, please don't let them be sitting next to me. The anxiety starts to ramp up. "Oh God, no, no, no. Then it goes to , "Benadryl they have or melatonin or something. And then I feel guilty for that thought and I stop it.

Ebony Gilbert: 3:10

I get on the plane. It happens. The event. The child who's not happy sits directly behind me. And the parent proceeds to have an immediate nap, while this kid is very unhappy. And then my mind goes to, "it's not that long, it's not that long, I'll fall asleep. I'll put my headphones on, this will be okay. And I get to this acceptance point. You know, now I'm accepting that this is what's happening and it's going to be okay. And then I get to the place of rage quickly, because somewhere between acceptance and five minutes later, it's unbearable. And now I'm feeding off the energy around me because everyone now is trying to make awkward eye contact with someone else who can validate the fact that we are all miserable.

Carri Richard: 4:02

Because that helps.

Ebony Gilbert: 4:05

And it doesn't, because I was in acceptance. And now I'm looking around hesitantly and there's always some guy across the aisle who's like (Carri - in nonacceptance?) "Are you hearing this? And now I feel compelled to make him feel better by validating his feelings and going (Carri - let me come to where you are).

Ebony Gilbert: 4:29

I'm there with you, buddy, I'm there with you. So, I had to stop. It happened on the way back from Europe. It happened on the way to New York, it happened on the way to Miami. It's happened so many times and I had this thought,

Ebony Gilbert: 4:47

"What would airplane grace look like? What would it look like to walk into this situation, knowing the possibilities, and prepare myself for the short-term event that's going to test my patience? I can choose to walk into this with a mindset that overcomes and overpowers my immediate environment, or I can walk into this and look for other people to join on the bandwagon with me, for my validating partners across the aisle, and be angry the whole time and look at the flight attendant like she's not doing her job. He or she isn't doing their job, because surely you hear this too, and why aren't you stopping it? As if they're able to stop it.

Ebony Gilbert: 5:35

Airplane grace, for this specific example, is about the experiences I've had on airplanes, but it's bigger than that. I think it's about the things that are out of our control. You know, based on experience and history, that it's going to make you feel some kind of way. It's going to be triggering. It's not only going to trigger you. It's going to trigger a lot of people. How can I personify, demonstrate airplane grace in a way that does not jump on the bandwagon, possibly eases and changes the atmosphere for this child and this mother? That's real pie in the sky. But at least gives me some peace During this unavoidable no escape situation. And I don't have an answer for that. But that's where my thoughts have been on the heels of flying as recently as Friday.

Carri Richard: 6:39

I love that.

Ebony Gilbert: 6:40

That's where my thoughts has been. What are your thoughts?

Carri Richard: 6:42

I love that. I have lots of them. I spent my first career on planes all over the world and I do get that. I do get the annoyance of my space being infiltrated by something that I have no desire to have in my space. (Ebony - and I have no control). Well, that's the and right. I have no control over it. However, I do have choice of how I approach it, and I think you beautifully painted the picture of I can jump on the bandwagon of oh my God, is this bothering you too? This sucks! Which, for a brief moment, (Ebony - feels good), maybe exactly Instant gratification. Oh my God, I'm not the only one. Let's all get together and we're good, they're bad. Let's be black and white, let's be in the world, because that's how, as me, as a human, all by myself, without grace, without God, that is how I operate.

Ebony Gilbert: 8:09

It's a very human response (Carri - Absolutely).

Carri Richard: 8:12

Somebody's good, somebody's bad, something's right, something's wrong. I'm uncomfortable. Thus, it is your fault, it's your fault, it's the kid's fault. It's the parent's fault, who's napping. It's the flight attendant's fault.

Ebony Gilbert: 8:28

For not stopping it.

Carri Richard: 8:29

Stopping the unstoppable, and it's that. I love as you were talking about, what does grace, airplane grace look like? It's that - that's that turning point. And the turning point is curiosity. Instead of "why won't this stop or what can I do to make it stop, it's like, well, what can I do with what I've been given in this moment, my daily bread? In this moment. By myself, I'm going to probably make a little bit of a mess of it. Kid's kicking my seat, I'm going to slam myself back in the seat, I'm going to look over with, you know, whatever. But inviting grace in, inviting God in, it's like, "okay, this isn't forever, I'm not trapped here, it's just temporary.

Ebony Gilbert: 9:45

Yeah, Just temporary. And the irony I had to have this moment in my lyft ride where I specifically requested no radio and no talking because I just needed a minute. But I had this moment of reflection. I'm complaining because I endured two hours of an uncomfortable child, uncomfortable flight on the way back from Europe. What a first world problem.

Ebony Gilbert: 10:18

And then I felt convicted, like man. I'm choosing to place my focus on this minor inconvenience, which still did not impact the fact that I arrived safely, as promised. But I'm focused on this minor inconvenience on the heels of an amazing experience that was such a blessing. And instead of me using the time to reflect on the amazing experience and the blessing of travel and exposure and friendship and love around the world, I'm focused on this particular situation. And then it hit me man, where am I focusing?

Ebony Gilbert: 11:01

And this was after the fact I'm still not clear on what airplane grace looks like on the plane. But after the fact, I was able to have this moment and I, yeah, I was in the lift ride and I thought airplane grace. Airplane grace never really developed the thought, didn't know where we were going to go with it. But this is bigger than the airplane. This is really about how life brings things your way. They're triggering, you know it's coming and you, you feel out of control, like you have no control and you want everybody to be the bad guy, because you're the good guy and I don't deserve this. This is unfair, and why am I experiencing this?

Carri Richard: 11:41

I also have had the feeling like what did I do wrong? Got me in this place, and that's exactly. And that's that idea that you know, god punishes and I that's, that's my own story, right.

Ebony Gilbert: 12:01

It's crazy the things your mind will do to you in that moment.

Carri Richard: 12:05

Yeah, so where's the peace that surpasses all understanding there?

Ebony Gilbert: 12:11

I don't know, because I don't understand it. I don't know why it's so infuriating. I have no idea.

Carri Richard: 12:19

I think, yeah, it's, it's what I. Yeah, I don't know why either. I don't know why. What I do know is, the more I push against it, the less I'm going to ever know why or or shift anything. You know, as you're speaking, I want to - Can I read something? (Ebony - please) So you're going to yell it.

Ebony Gilbert: 12:47

No, it's your voice.

Carri Richard: 12:49

No, it's Lamentations. It's (Ebony - how appropriate). I know it's Jeremiah, it's a chapter three, verse 21 through 25. So there's all kinds of chaos that's going on, and he is lamenting all of the chaos, and then for 20 verses, and then all of a sudden, this is what he says. "Thus, I recall in my mind. Therefore, I have hope through the Lord's mercies, we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion say s my soul. Therefore, I hope in Him. The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him".

Ebony Gilbert: 13:45

That's good, that's good, that's good. Well, I feel better.

Carri Richard: 13:58

Good, and it's what had me think of that was when you talked about getting into the lyft and asking for some quiet right? No radio, as you said, and I love I hear to you "I need a minute right, I need a minute Step back, kind of a step back, and you began this reflection process, the reflection process of, "oh my gosh, I just came in from Europe, like I just had an amazing time and like this is where, you know, Jeremiah flips the script. It's like "oh wait, a second look at all that has been done for me. I may not feel it right now with screaming kids, but that power of stepping back and reflecting because if I can't see it in the moment, how about I take a look in the rear view mirror?

Ebony Gilbert: 14:59

Yeah, yeah, I'd like to be able to do it in the moment, but it doesn't always work. And are you laughing at me Carri?

Carri Richard: 15:10

No, I was going to say and that's okay, but I I yeah, you were still talking. I'm laughing at myself.

Ebony Gilbert: 15:21

I've got to keep saying the disclaimers because I don't want anyone to think I'm an awful person and I have amazing compassion for people and I oftentimes offer to hold these babies and I help where I can, but it doesn't change how I'm feeling on the inside and I, I my heart goes out to that mother and that father, who are embarrassed and don't know what to do as well, and they're trying to figure out what happened to my child in the last hour, because they probably don't even behave this way at home. You know, everybody's confused and upset, so (Carri - they're trapped too). This is true. They're trapped too. They're more trapped than I am. I just, that moment to reflect, I'm prayerful, and even in this conversation, I'm prayerful that the next time I encounter this I have a little more patience and I'm a little less triggered and a little less bothered and I can display some of that airplane grace, not just on the airplane or in the airport, but also with anyone who is, whether it's a two year old, one year old or an adult who's in a situation that's frightening, cause this kid is scared and they're hurting, their ears are hurting and things are happening and it's weird to them, you know.

Ebony Gilbert: 16:34

So, for anyone I encounter in a situation that's unstoppable, temporary albeit, but unstoppable. How can I show some grace and some compassion and not be so angry and annoyed? Cause I would want that with me. If I'm scared and I'm upset and I'm vocalizing my feelings, I would want someone to be patient and kind. And understand that I am way outside of my comfort zone too. I'm just expressing it in a way that's very different from what you're expressing it. So, Airplane Grace, folks.

Carri Richard: 17:19

So, Ebony, the other reason I'm laughing is there's no way that you will not be given new opportunities to practice Airplane Grace. So my encouragement to you is, as you sit in the next gate, before getting on the plane, reflect on this time we've had.

Ebony Gilbert: 17:46

I'm going to listen to this episode and I'm going to have a good chuckle and I may offer it to my friends around me who are looking for me to validate their feelings. I have a really cool podcast you should check out. It's called Grace Among Us. Please do tune in to the episode called Airplane Grace. Matter of fact, I've already downloaded it and you can use my headphones because it will help you. It will help you through this moment, oh goodness.

Carri Richard: 18:15

I love it. I love it and I am going to own that that I will have opportunities to do this too, not only on an airplane, but it's that idea I can. I can totally relate to that idea of feeling trapped, upset, like things are coming at me, or feel like they're coming at me that are super uncomfortable. I didn't ask for them, I certainly didn't dream about them, and like how to stay present and in the moment and be graceful. Graceful in it, and that doesn't mean that I have to be like, oh, everything's perfect and this kid is not bothering me. It's working with that. "Okay, I'm bothered, and so what can I do?

Ebony Gilbert: 19:09

What can I do with this? Because this kid is eating my pretzels and my cookies sitting next to me and I wanted my own cookies. So I'm going to figure out ways, even if in the moment, to just smile and let that mom know that I'm not part of the other crowd, who's the enemy right now. I'm making you the enemy. I see you, and if I can help it anyway, I'm happy to, because none of us are sleeping anyway, you know.

Carri Richard: 19:36

Yeah, it's another kid in the kingdom next to you that is just having a real hard time.

Ebony Gilbert: 19:44

Having a hard time? Yeah, having a hard time. I feel better about this.

Carri Richard: 19:52

Good, I'm excited.

Ebony Gilbert: 19:55

I'm excited to hear I will put your comments, because I'm sure I'm going to get some. Yes, I love children, I love parents.

Carri Richard: 20:09

And anybody who wants to create flights just for adults. There's your idea. Yeah, Call me.

Ebony Gilbert: 20:17

Call me yes, yes, yes, yes, no, lighthearted, but also, you know, on a very real note we all have an opportunity to practice that.

Carri Richard: 20:27

Absolutely All right. I think we did it.

Ebony Gilbert: 20:31

All right. Thank you folks for tuning in. Thank you, Carri Richard.

Carri Richard: 20:35

Thank you, Ebony, and until next time.

Speaker 1: 20:42

Thank you so much for joining us. If you enjoyed this episode, please let us know. We love to hear from you and share it with a friend. Also, please be sure to subscribe so you're notified when a new episode is posted. We hope you're leaving with another pointer to grace, a new perspective that will light it up in your own life. Until next time, be well, be bold, be kind to yourself and be on the lookout.