Grace Among Us

01 - What Does Grace Look Like?

July 05, 2022 Carri Adcock and Ebony C. Gilbert Episode 1
Grace Among Us
01 - What Does Grace Look Like?
Show Notes Transcript

In today’s episode of Grace Among Us, we’ll share what grace looks like to us, what it feels like, and when we consciously discovered it. 

So, if you’ve ever considered grace as optional or something specifically for others to enjoy, tune in to hear how it is all around us every day! 

Here’s a glance of the episode:

1.    Carri highlights – Grace is like the wind which she cannot see but she can see what the wind is doing to the trees outside. She can see what the wind does when it spins up a tornado. She can see the effects of it and that is what grace feels like.

2.    Carri shares, for her to discover grace as grace. She had to take it to the bitter end of doing it herself. She does not recommend that to people. There is always an easier way. She has a little bit of a stubborn streak, and she has been known to do things the hard way. Fortunately, not so much anymore.

3.    Ebony explains her relationship with God as our father. There are times when you don't like your father, or you don't acknowledge him or whatever. There are several scenarios, but he doesn't stop loving you. So, for those out there who are listening, who may not be comfortable with the use of the word ‘God’ that doesn't detract from the fact that He still sees and loves you and can show up in your life in the form of grace, in the form of favor, in the form of patience, and the form of miracles. 

Thank you so much for joining us today. We hope you're leaving with another pointer to Grace, and a new perspective that will light it up in your own life.  If you enjoyed this episode, please let us know at community@grace-among-us.com; we would love to hear your questions, suggestions, and/or comments. Don’t forget to share it with a friend. Also, please be sure to subscribe so you're notified when a new episode is posted. Until next time, be well, be blessed, be bold, and be kind to yourself.

Narrator:

Welcome to Grace Among Us, the podcast where we unearth the many faces and places of grace and share stories of the power of grace in our human lives. Our desire is that this will inspire you to see grace in your own life and share it with others.

Carri Adcock:

My name is Carri Adcock. I am a mentor with a passion for showing high achievers how to make space and enjoy the ride so that they can make the impact that their heart desires with their life back. And grace plays a major part in that. My intention is that you hear something that you can put in your pocket, and that you can begin to see new places where grace is among us.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Thank you, Carri, for that introduction. My name is Ebony Gilbert and I'm very fortunate to be here with Carri today doing this Grace Among Us podcast. By day, I work for corporate America and do my best to impact people in a positive way. But I feel like by participating in this podcast, we might be able to reach a different audience and hopefully bring a ton of goodness to your day. So I am here because I believe in the power of grace, and I believe in you being here at the right time to hear it. I'm pretty excited about what's going to unfold here.

Carri Adcock:

Let's get going, Ebony!

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Put it in your pocket. I like that!

Carri Adcock:

We'll start with this: Ebony and I were speaking before this because we can and she coined something that was a great description of grace, and it was "A nod from God." Yeah, I don't have much more to say about that, but...that's not true. What I have to say about that is when I heard that, that"nod from God," what it feels like, is like a big warm hug, like a blanket around me. And so not only do I see it with my eyes, hear it with my ears, but also grace has a lot of feeling to it, too. So I invite you all to look with all your senses as you search, or be open to grace showing up for you. So with that, Ebony, what does grace look like to you?

Ebony C. Gilbert:

This is one of those questions we've asked over the past few weeks, several times. And I feel like my answer is different every time. So I have this compilation now of things to say in my pocket, this arsenal, this toolkit of ways to describe it. It can be a nod from God. When I say "nod from God," I'm thinking of the way my father, when he would watch me play sporting events, and I would mess up or I do something great--either way, I would look to him on the sidelines to get the nod. And the nod meant,"You're okay. Keep going. It's good." And even if it was a mistake, the nod meant, "It's okay. I got you. Keep going." And that would give me what I needed to keep going. So when I think of a nod from God, it's throughout the day when I feel like he's giving me that wink, that nod. So that will be one way. And another way I've described it as as a big umbrella that's protecting me and covering me and giving me shelter when there's a whole storm going on. When it's thunder and lightning and it's raining, and I'm from Florida where storms are taking on a whole different face an umbrella does you no good. But if there was a special umbrella that could shield you from the winds and the rains of the storm, and give you some shelter and just isolate you from the rest of what's going on around you, I would think of that as grace as well. What does it look like to you? Does that resonate? Or is that just kind of all over the place?

Carri Adcock:

No, that's not all over the place. It's beautiful. Yes, we've been talking about grace and I've been getting to talk about grace quite a bit lately. And to your point, what I would have said two weeks ago is probably a little different than what I would say today. And that is grace. That's even grace. What's so amazing is grace multiplies. So where it seems to multiply, when I am on the lookout for it or available for it, it's kind of like when I buy a car, and then all of a sudden, I see everybody else on the planet has my same car, like grace is that same way. When I see it, it's like, "Oh, there it is. Oh, my goodness, there it is." And so it's always here. Grace is always here. And it's also something I cannot put my finger on. I can't describe it with specific words, just like your point of how I'm talking about it today is a little bit different than how I'm talking about it two weeks ago, because it's so vast. And for me, it's like the wind. I cannot see the wind. But I can see what the wind is doing to the trees outside, I can see what the wind does when it spins up a tornado. I can see the effects of it, and that is what grace feels like.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

That resonates because the wind is blowing outside my window right now, and I'm watching the bushes. I don't hear it. I'm not outside, but I can see that there's something moving out there. That really, really, really resonates.

Carri Adcock:

What just came to mind, at some point we were talking about it's like when you go to the airport, and you get on those people-movers and you might be walking or you might not be walking, but you are going faster than you would under your own power. That's grace. Grace is that people-mover. There are things that are possible for me in my life today that are only possible with grace.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

The cool thing about the people-mover is you can get on it or not. It's available for everyone. You can make the choice to take that path or not. Everybody has their reasons for choosing which one, but grace is available to everybody. It's not just for special people like Ebony here. It's for everybody.

Carri Adcock:

I love that. I love that. It's like my little nitro tank. Push the red button.[bzzz]

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Your nitro tank is big.

Carri Adcock:

I have a big red button. That is it. You know, the other thing about grace that I love is it's contagious. If you're out there, and you're questioning: "Yeah, I don't know anything about grace," or "I don't see grace," or "I'm not sure I see grace," first of all, stick around. We're going to be talking about it, and there will

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Right. be something you hear in these podcasts that's going to open your eyes to it if you are questioning it right now. That's our hope, right? We want you to see it. We want you to feel it. We want you to acknowledge those moments when you're being compelled to operate in it. Because it's not always something we're receiving. Sometimes it's up to us to give it, and really paying attention to the to when those moments unfold. And it might not be the easy choice. Sometimes it looks like patience and self-control and perseverance.

Carri Adcock:

I love that, Ebony, because we started off about what grace looks like when it comes to you. So, do you have an example of what grace looks like when it comes through you?

Ebony C. Gilbert:

You know, I have a big mouth. And I grew up in a family that was very large, where you were encouraged to say what was on your mind and be very direct. So that was my norm, that was my norm. I grew up thinking that was normal and that was just the way you interacted with people and there was never any hard feelings. That's just what we did. As I left home, I realized, "That can be offensive and every thing you're thinking doesn't need to be said at all times." So, it took me a while to learn that and, even more importantly, exercise it. So there are moments when I feel completely justified in counterattack. To me, it feels strategic: "You started it; I should finish it." And that just doesn't yield good results. It really doesn't. An example would be, specifically on that part about me knowing when to keep my mouth closed, or taking a minute to take a deep breath and coming out with a different response instead of the response I think someone deserves--and who the heck am I to say who deserves what, right? All of that's wrong--but I think you deserve what I have to say.

And grace says:

"No, whoa. Be patient; offer understanding." And even if I don't understand, because you don't have to understand all things. You can still have peace without understanding; the two don't have to coexist. But even if I don't understand, really offering a smile, really offering a "You know what? I understand what you're saying. I hear you. And I'm going to take that into consideration." Whereas my normal response might be, "No, heck no, leave me alone. I didn't ask for your opinion to begin with." And what I found, Carri, that even if I have to force myself to say it in the moment, it forces me to actually think about what I'm saying. So even if I don't mean it, I'm saying, "Okay, I'll take into consideration. Thank you for sharing." I'm being gracious. And I'm convincing myself in that very moment to feel what I'm saying. And then by the time I walk away, all that anger and frustration has started to go away. It's dissipating. And it's being replaced with "Well, let me think about what they said. And how did I contribute to them behaving that way to begin with?" And then I'm operating in grace and I'm offering it, but it's also working on me because it's bidirectional. Whether it's coming from me or to me, it's never just one party involved. There's multiple variables. And it's the ripple effects, and it's contagious and it's infectious. And to your point, once you start playing with it and seeing it, you see it all the time. And then you start to realize, man, there's something to this whole "words" and how it impacts thought and how it impacts behavior. And if I can think in the moment, pause, and show grace, by the time I get back to my seat, or my car, or wherever I am, I'm actually starting to feel it. It's tricky.

Carri Adcock:

I've never associated grace with being tricky, but I like it!

Ebony C. Gilbert:

It's probably not a good association.

Carri Adcock:

I think it's wonderful. It is tricky.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

It's not tricky in the way of being deceptive; it's just tricky, and you don't know where it's going to land.

Carri Adcock:

Yeah, and to your point, it's not one direction. It's definitely, as you were speaking, it's almost like, I know some of my reactions to other people or what they're doing or what they're saying to me. My first reaction is to protect myself.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Absolutely. Fight or flight, right?

Carri Adcock:

I may spout something out that's not kind. It's definitely not graceful. And at that point, I'm really doing it alone. It's the great separator. However, if I invite grace in, even if I don't do it perfectly, even if I just do it a little less reactive, that grace is such a connector. It just is. That's a great, great example.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

I think it builds relationships, it establishes trust. If I can trust you with my hurt, because when I'm acting out, it's out of hurt. Something's bothered, something's disturbed. If I'm acting out, and you give me a loving response, it doesn't give me permission to keep hurting you. It convicts me. I'm like,"Oh, no." Because even in that moment, if I felt like you deserved it, now I'm thinking,"Well, maybe you didn't." Because you're presenting as this really kind, loving individual. You've created this safe space. You're protecting me when I really don't deserve this. Man, now I have this feeling that I've got to do something different and I'm convicted and it's just amazing. The arms, the legs, the limbs, it takes on when you really start working in it.

Carri Adcock:

Absolutely. Absolutely. It gives me the ability to see the best in other people even in the midst. One of my favorite exercises, for lack of a better word, when I am really spun up, or really on a position about something that somebody's doing or saying--which I can go there--is "just like me." Just like me, they're hurting. Just like me, they're afraid. Just like me, they don't like to do dishes, either. I mean, it doesn't even have to be on the subject. But that is one of my favorite tools to give space to invite grace in. It's like, "Please help me respond."

Ebony C. Gilbert:

That's good, Carri. I have a similar moment where I'm like, that was me. That's been me.

Carri Adcock:

Oh, yeah.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

So different words were using, but it's essentially the same moment. It's putting yourself in that person's shoes for a second.

Carri Adcock:

Mm-hmm.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

That's good. That's good. So we're talking about it in these metaphors and the ways we see it. And we've asked this question of each other before, but just like the first question, sometimes the answer has changed. So I think

it's worth revisiting:

When did you discover grace as grace? Because it's been around. When did you have that "aha" moment like, "Whoa, that's it! That's it!"

Carri Adcock:

That's a great question. You know, for me to discover grace as grace, I personally had to take it all the way to the bitter end of doing it myself. I highly do not recommend that to people. There is an easier way; I think I have a little bit of a stubborn streak and I've been known to do things the hard way. Fortunately, hopefully not so much anymore. I knew that there was something bigger than me. I just didn't believe that that bigger thing than me was very interested. And so I made some choices in my life where I put myself in situations that were not healthy. I put things in my body that were not healthy. And in all that process at the same time, I justified it and I was okay with it. Because on the outside to you, and everybody around me, it all looked good. I had the energy, the focus. I don't know what it was. I had the ability to make it all look good on the outside. I had a fabulous job. I had a beautiful home. I had some really nice cars. I had a great title. I had all these worldly things. I had some nice clothes. I had all these things that essentially, I was snowing myself saying,"You're okay. You're all right. Look at you. Look at all these worldly things you have. You must be okay." Where on the inside, I was dying. Now, I would have never been able to tell you that at the time. Until, by God's grace, I couldn't hold it together anymore. So I ended up, I was in a relationship that was probably not the healthiest. And we decided to have a family because that'll fix everything. And I had a beautiful--well, he's not mine, but--beautiful son, who had some special needs at the time. And between the job and the image and this new child, and the complications and all this, I found myself I was no longer able to keep it all together. I didn't know how to do it; it was too much. Also, by the grace of God, I know today. So, I found myself deciding in my own intelligence, that it just needed a rest. I just needed to take like a week off, kind of gather myself, and I'd get back at it, it'd be okay. Because I was doing it just me. And so that week of rest was in a psychiatric hospital.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

By your choice.

Carri Adcock:

By my choice, mm-hmm. Serious logic going on.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Did you flowchart it? Do you have a diagram?

Carri Adcock:

I did not have a diagram. However, on the way in, I was on the phone with employees saying, "I don't think I'm going to make the meeting today." So that's how far from grace, for me, I had to go before I could actually see that there's a reason I can't do it all myself. And the reason is, I'm not supposed to.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

I want to ask you something that I haven't asked when you've told this story before. We're using the word "grace." I know for me, I can't speak for you, I use it synonymously with "God," often. I'm saying, "Oh, grace showed up" when God showed up. Throughout this situation, can the two words be interchanged? Or do you see them as distinctly different?

Carri Adcock:

That's a great question. For me, I use the word God's grace, because for me, God is God. I don't know how else to say it. And grace is like the wind in the trees that he is blowing. So it's almost like grace as like a is a boiled-down piece of how God works. Because he is way too big for me to understand.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Right.

Carri Adcock:

I stopped trying to understand God a long time ago, by God's grace, but grace is just a bite-sized piece.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

That's good. That really makes sense to me. It's one of the tools. It's one of the weapons.

Carri Adcock:

Yes, yeah. Yeah. And for those who may not like the word "God," what would you say to them?

Ebony C. Gilbert:

What would I say to them? When I think of God, it's a relationship. And

Carri Adcock:

Mm-hmm. he's our father. And there are times when you don't like your father, or you don't acknowledge him or whatever, there are a number of scenarios, he doesn't stop loving you. So for those out there who are listening, who may not be comfortable with the use of the word "God," that doesn't detract from the fact that he still sees and loves you, and his presence still can show up in your life in the form of grace, in the form of favor, in the form of patience, in the form of miracles. It can be from one extreme to the other. And I would encourage those folks to stick around, but we're not going to make it weird and creepy. It's not going to become too far pie-in-the-sky. But I'd encourage those people to stick around and possibly even reach out because we're talking about this. You're describing a very serious situation that happened in your life that probably still carries some emotional sentiment when you talk about it. But you can sit here and talk about it, because of your acknowledgement of how it helped you get to this point. So, I would tell people to stick around because it's a process. It's a process and it's a relationship. And the more you get to know him, the more you get to know that name, I would be really bold to say that the relationship will get closer. You know? So stick around, don't tune us out. Absolutely, absolutely. I am going to tell a story.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Tell a story, Carri.

Carri Adcock:

So, God is my pen pal.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

You write letters to God?

Carri Adcock:

I do. I write a letter to God every day.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Like literally, with pen and paper?

Carri Adcock:

Literally, pen and paper. I've been doing it for almost 16 years. So I'll say for 15 years. And in the very beginning, it was suggested that I say, "Dear God, good morning." And it took me one year, a year of writing letters every day to write the word "God."

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Interesting.

Carri Adcock:

It was, "Dear Great Spirit." It was, "Dear Everything." It was dear anything but the word "God." So I say that, and I was challenged to do it anyway. And I did not want to; I was turning myself inside out. However, things were getting better. My life was like, "Well, okay." I've learned to take suggestion, some ideas outside my own might be really good. So when I began writing,"Dear God, good morning," what happened is it took God out of the box. Because through my life experience, I had put God in a box. And I had put stories around what that meant. And so for anybody here who may have God in a box, wrapped up tight with duct tape, on a shelf, or not anywhere nearby, like, just be open.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

I cannot agree more Carri, thank you for sharing that. There's something about calling someone's name. Because you can be in an airport with thousands of people, and when somebody yells, "Carri!" you're going to turn around.

Carri Adcock:

Absolutely.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

You're going to turn around. Now if they say,"Hey, lady who's 5'5"," that's not going to get your attention. It might, but if they call your name, it's going to get your attention. I would just challenge people to use the name"God," "Jesus,""Christ,"...whatever you are more comfortable using today, because it'll evolve. "Father," whatever it might be. Because he knows his name. And when you call his name, he responds the same way you would respond if somebody said, "Carri," you're going to respond. So, it doesn't matter if they say, "Carri" or"Miss Adcock" or "Carri Adcock." You can use whatever version you want to use, but it's your name.

Carri Adcock:

Yeah.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

So yeah, take him out of the box; use his name. Use his name.

Carri Adcock:

Try it on for size, right?

Ebony C. Gilbert:

See what happens. Just see...what do you have to lose?

Carri Adcock:

Absolutely. Yes, you've nailed it, Ebony Gilbert.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

I know we're getting ready to close here in a second, Carri Adcock, but when I asked you earlier, "When did you discover grace?"--when we went off and asked some more questions, you were going into the facility, you were making phone calls to your employees, and you were expecting to be away for a week, and just come back and just go back to normal. Everything's going to be fine. How did how did grace, God's grace, interrupt that plan? Or did it?

Carri Adcock:

It's a really good question. And the funny thing is, I just started to hesitate because I always love a happy ending. And God's grace...it took me six more months after that to let go of control. So, we may have a whole other podcast about that.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Yeah, I think so.

Carri Adcock:

Yeah. And I wasn't able to ask you when you discovered grace, so... OK, good.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Ah, we'll get to that. We'll get to that. I tell you what...we're going to do part two of this, because I think it's super important to talk about what happens in that in-between, but that's a scary part.

Carri Adcock:

Yeah, yes!

Ebony C. Gilbert:

That's where it gets a little scary. Yeah. The waiting.

Carri Adcock:

They call it "the hall." You're in between one door and another and sometimes it's not cool.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

It's probably not the most exciting part of the story. It's probably not the feel-good part, but I think is super important and relatable to really talk about what happens there.

Carri Adcock:

Absolutely.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Cool. Cool. Let's do it.

Carri Adcock:

Okay. Okay. Anything you want to say while we wrap this episode up?

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Carri, it's always interesting. We have our topics in mind and we have our questions in mind, and then something happens and we go a different direction. I'm hoping that someone hears this and reaches out and says, "Tell us more about that thing." Or that it prompts a thought or an action, because that's what we're here for. We're not here to listen to each other; we can talk to each other all day long, every day. This is for something else. So, if something resonated, something struck you, we'd love to hear from you. We'd love to continue the conversation offline, if possible. And if there's a theme or recurrence in the questions and comments we're receiving, we'll address it in our next podcast. So, thank you. Thank you, Carri. Thank you to whomever's listening. We need you to make this possible, to make this successful. And we're glad you're here.

Carri Adcock:

Yes, Ebony, thank you. You have you have summed it up. And yeah, we want to hear from you. And if you're not ready yet, that's okay. Stick around; come on back. If it's just a one-word response, we're okay with that, too. We can do all kinds of things. Currently, we come up with two questions that we're going to talk about that point to grace. So if you have a specific question, we would love to hear it. And as Ebony said, you will see it in the podcast.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Absolutely! And our answers don't necessarily have to be absolutely right, but they are absolutely based on our experience.

Carri Adcock:

You got it. You got it. So, Ebony, as always, thank you.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Thank you. Thank you to everyone.

Carri Adcock:

Yes, we'll see you next time.

Ebony C. Gilbert:

Grace out.

Narrator:

Thank you so much for joining us. If you enjoyed this episode, please let us know we'd love to hear from you, and share it with a friend. Also, please be sure to subscribe so you're notified when a new episode is posted. We hope you're leaving with another pointer to grace, a new perspective that will light it up in your own life. Until next time, be well, be bold, be kind to yourself, and be on the lookout.